Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the maiden voyage of Carnivore Cruise Line’s newest ship, The Titanium! We’re just thrilled to have you with us! I know you’re going to love the amenities on our state-of-the-art ship including the gorgeous views, beautiful décor, luscious food and shipboard entertainments!

We have had one teensy, weensy little unexpected change that I hope won’t inconvenience you.    unfortunately someone onboard has turned up quite dead.   Since there’s really absolutely no reason to involve the mainland officials, we hope you won’t find the shipboard security investigation intrusive, though they may have some routine questions for you. I’m sure they’ll have this wrapped up in no time!  In the meantime, please let us know if there’s anything we can do to make your time with us more pleasurable and enjoy your cruise!!!

Your fellow passengers:

DWAYNE NEWT – Can you say Lounge Lizard?  Dwayne claims to have performed with the likes of Liza, Sammy Davis Jr., and Frank Sinatra…so why is someone with such an inflated ego stuck working for Carnivore Cruises?  Maybe somebody back in Vegas made Dwayne an offer he couldn’t refuse…to get out of town. Does he really have a deep, dark secret that has him hiding out…or is it his pitiful singing?

NICKI BEACH – Don’t touch that clipboard! Nicki’s got your fun scheduled down to the minute and you’re going to have a good time even if it kills you. Sociopathically perky, Nicki is always looking out for the best interests of Carnivore Cruise Lines.  You better be a team player when you sail with Nicki Beach, or she might make you walk the plank!

THE COUNTESS MARIE COQUILLES ST. JACQUES –  Purportedly of European royalty, the Countess is cruising for business and pleasure.  Her priceless necklace must be returned to the family vault and nothing’s classier than a transatlantic crossing.  When it turns up missing, would she resort to murder to get it back?

AMBER ASTOR – Carnivore Cruises’ newest waitress is desperately in need of some sensitivity training! Why is she so nasty all of the time?  Is working on a cruise ship not as glamorous as Amber expected, or did someone on board make Amber angry…angry enough to commit murder?

SAM SPAM – Suave ship’s detective, ever ready to get to the bottom of the matter at hand, Sam is the law in this floating town and nobody gets murdered without his permission! With a ship full of passengers and a questionable crew, it will take all of Sam’s considerable powers of persuasion to unmask the killer…

$57.00 Per Person Includes a Three-Hour Evening Consisting Of:

An Unlimited Red and White Wine Bar

A 2.5 Hour Hilarious Play by the MMD Players

A Catered, Multi-Course Meal

A Tour of The Carnival Museum